.: A rape victim's thoughts on the Confusedtree incident(s)



TW: Rape, Pedophilia, Suicide

Okay, I’m going to start this off by telling my story first. My dad died when I was 5, and by the time I was 7 my mother had remarried. My stepfather started to rape me when I was 8. I remember the first time I was so scared and confused. I didn’t know what was…

Ok, Im really hardcore into not victim blaming and not letting rapists or sexual harassment not go unpunished but after reading literally everything anyone involved as posted about what happened, I completely agree with this post. Yes, Josh was in the wrong for flirting with a girl who was uncomfortable with it but I honestly believe Bitsy was waaay more in the wrong. She definitely lead him on, and I get not being comfortable with saying no, but she didnt just not say no, she lead him on and repeatedly told him it was ok. I wanted to be on her side but after going through her blog and reading everything, this is just wrong and stupid. Plus, she needs to stop tagging it as rape and rape culture.

First of all I want to really apologize to the OP for having to go through that—my words can’t mean much but you are such a strong person for dealing with that, continuing to deal with it in daily life, and for being able to talk about it here. That’s not something I would wish on anyone, and not something just anyone can live through, and I really admire you.

What Josh did to me was NOT rape by any means or even sexual abuse or molestation.

But Josh had previously been a friend, a friend with a lot of power (followers and a large fanbase), and it is very difficult to outright say “No, stop this, I am uncomfortable, and I want you to stop” to someone with those attributes, especially if you want to remain polite AND friends. I didn’t know if he was going to get defensive or turn it on me, and I was inexperienced and scared, so I tried to tell him it was okay, to not worry about it.

It was also not pedophilia as that is for sexual attraction and pursuing persons that have yet to go through puberty (usually around age twelve and under), but it was harassment of a girl who was underage—in the US, where I live, it is unlawful to do anything sexual with a person under eighteen if you are over the age of twenty-one, and I was and am under eighteen and Josh is twenty-four.

I tried to dance around the subject and make light of it and even play along with it because I didn’t know what to do, so I was using the “princess” name to try to literally order him to stop as delicately as I could. I was, by no means, trying to “lead him on.”
I had PREVIOUSLY posted pictures of my legs—my legs, which are no longer considered overtly sexual, and just my legs, with no genitals, breasts, buttocks, or even underthings showing—on a public website; not even privately to him. Even if I show cleavage, or post a full-on nude photo, this is not consent.
I did tell him I was uncomfortable, and that it was fine by me if he wanted to masturbate to the thought of me because I honestly don’t care, but I did not want any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with him or anybody else, and he continued to send me sexual material even though he was ~trying to respect me~

So it was not rape at all, and I have never said it was. It was harassment and he knew that. I told him I was underage and he said that it was legal where he lived. That’s not how you are supposed to respond. If I bring legality into this issue, your common sense should kick in and you should no longer press the subject, whatever it may be because clearly the other party is not interested in what you have to say.

I do try to tag anything involving rape because I am worried about others who will be even slightly triggered by my posts but I know it was not rape and could never be constituted as such.

This will hopefully be the last thing I post about me supposedly leading a grown man on. Thanks for reading!

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